Avante-Garde

A new favorite....

2006-11-18T04:35:00.000-08:00

We Ride
Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

It's real late
Bout a quater to 1
Thinkin about everythang
We become
And i hate it
I thought we could make it
But im ready to scratch this
Just wanna forget about it
I saw the pictures
And the letters she sent
U had me thinkin
U were out we your friends
Im so foolish
Hate me like im stupid
Cuz i thought it was just u and i (oh)

That's how i think after all the time
We spent in love
I see it in my mind
Playing over and over again
Its far and out
U got me breaking down
And i just can't figure out why
But this is what u say

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

Visions in my mind
Of the day that we met
U showed me thangs
That'll never forget
Took me swimming
In the ocean
U had my head up in the clouds
Make me feel like im floating (yeah)
U think im playing
When u now its the truth
Nobody else can do it
Quite like i do
All my kisses
And my lovin
But aint nobody
Better than us

That's how i think after all the time
We spent in love
I see it in my mind
Playing over and over again
Its far and out
U got me breaking down
And i just can't figure out why
But this is what u say

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

I guess its over
And definitely
But u and i know
Its not that easy
To let go
Of everything (everything)
And start all over again
Just bring this up cuz u blew it
I wont forget how u do it
Sweet baby
This is where the game ends now somehow
Might not believe u and me
We can figure it out

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

U finna make me say boy
I wish that u come hold me
When im lonely
When i need someone to talk to
U would phone me
Just like everything its on me
(when we ride we ride it's til the day we die)
Boy u forgot about the promises
U made me
And now we'll let the memories
Just fade away
But i remember
What u used to say
(when we ride we ride it's til the day we die)

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

Ride when we ride we ride
It's til the day we die
When we ride we ride
It's til the day we die

We Ride

Problematic.....

2006-11-18T04:24:00.000-08:00

All i know is that I LOVE YOU.....
That's all i know...
I love you
I love you
I love you
I wish we could be together.....

oNeMoNtHaNdSiXdAyS

2006-09-03T02:47:00.000-07:00

THIS SONG EXPLAINS ALL THAT I FEEL
ABOUT YOU....

If there were no words
No way to speak
I would still hear you
If there were no tears
No way to feel inside
I'd still feel for you

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

All of my life
I have been waiting for
All you give to me
You've opened my eyes
And shown me how to love unselfishly

I've dreamed of this a thousand times before
But in my dreams I couldn't love you more
I will give you my heart
Until the end of time
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine

And even if the sun refused to shine
Even if romance ran out of rhyme
You would still have my heart until the end of time
'Cause all I need is you, my Valentine
You're all I need, my love, my Valentine.

one-aching-month-and-six-tearful-days

2006-09-03T02:27:00.000-07:00

I'd be lucky if a day passes and i didn't shed one single tear... It's funny how making yourself believe you're okay only makes things worse for you... It's a terrible feeling to know deep in your heart that you met the soul that makes you the happiest person you've never been, but can't be with him.. And you know that he needs you too, as much as you need him... It's sooo hard keeping things inside.. It's not healthy at all.. That's what i've been doing this whole time.. Sometimes i just space out.. Sometimes i just start crying.. I feel like a wacko! Hehe.... It's crazy how every scent you smell you mistake for his perfume... Every song that plays reminds you of how it used to be... How EVERY guy that you meet, you tend to compare with him... How every morning you wake up thinking anout what he will do for the day and how every night you go to bed thinking if he had a good day... And that if he didn't.... How you wish you could just make it okay for him...
It hurts
It hurts
It hurts.
Is it okay that i feel this way?
Is this right?
Cause i really dont know..
Because I cannot stop it..
No one knows how lonely i am
everyone looks at me and i have a smile on my face
a never ending laugh..
but all are fleeting.
when i am alone
in the confines of my room
or anywhere actually....
I just feel it penetrate every bone in this forsaken body.
And the withered soul i possess.

But still i go on and paint my face
and face the world..
As if loneliness doesnt live in me.

0430

2006-09-03T01:54:00.000-07:00

April thirty at one thirty in the morning, I let my emotions enfold me in its grasp.. I had many inhibitions and fears, and so much hesitation in me.. But at that precise moment when he asked me, it felt so right... I have never felt so beautiful and happy and free at that very precise moment..

I love him.. "With all my heart and everything else", I always say...
It's a beautiful feeling to love and be loved.. It's a beautiful high i can't get enough of.. Even if i was scared to kiss him.. Because of what he might think.. It just felt so right.. And i let myself get carried away by the rawness and the clumsiness of our first kiss.. It was beautiful.. And the feeling is just purely irreplaceable.. When you kiss a person you love, it is the most beautiful and most overwhelming thing.....

Nobody really has ever made me feel this way....

2006-01-08T23:29:00.000-08:00

"Stickwitu"

I don't wanna go another day,

So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.

Seems like everybody's breaking up

Throwing their love away,

But I know I got a good thing right here

That's why I say (Hey)

Nobody gonna love me betterI must stick with you forever.

Nobody gonna take me higherI must stick with you.

You know how to appreciate meI must stick with you, my baby.

Nobody ever made me feel this wayI must stick with you.

I don't wanna go another day

So I'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.

See the way we ride in our private lives,

Ain't nobody getting in between.

I want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me)

And nowAin't nothing else I can need (nothing else I can need)

And nowI'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.

I got you,We'll be making love endlessly.

I'm with you (baby, I'm with you)

Baby, you're with me (Baby, you're with me)

So don't you worry aboutPeople hanging around,

They ain't bringing us down.

I know you and you know me

And that's all that counts.

So don't you worry aboutPeople hanging around,

They ain't bringing us down.

I know you and you know meAnd that's why I say......

I love this song so much...My friends know why..Hehe..But who wouldn't?It's such a romantic song!!! :)

Nobody ever made me feel this way...

2006-01-07T05:19:00.000-08:00

I re-read my posts from before, and i realized that so much of the things i wrote can actually be applied to the things i'm going through today.. But i also realized that advice is so easy to give when other people ask for it but when you need it..it would be so hard to actually follow it. As a result, you tend to question yourself.. Idealistically written or not? Haha :)

one of the posts that particularly hit me.. was when i was talking abut a line from the song same ground.. "When all else fails would you be there to love me?When all else fails would you be brave to see right through me?" Hit me hard, in fact, because i know now for a fact that in loving someone it definitely isn't easy to brave storms, especially when the two opposing forces that pull on you are the things that matter the most to you..okay, i may be vague but i don't really want to elaborate so i really do choose to be vague.hehe.. point is, loving someone is supposed to be easy...supposedly...but it really isn't..especially when there are so factors that want to get you down..and it really makes you think of doing or saying some things that you don't really want to say or do...anyway...we recently listened to andy garcia's sexy voice reading one of the best poems ever..

Tonight I Can Write The Saddest Lines

Pablo Neruda

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example,

'The night is shattered And blue stars shiver in the distance'.
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through the nights like this one I held her in my arms.

I kissed her over and over again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I did love her too.

How could I not have loved her great eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

To think that I do not have her.

To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night,

still more immense without her.

And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter if my love could not keep her.

The night is shattered and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing.

In the distance.My soul is not satisfied because it has lost her.
My sight searches for her as though to go to her.

My heart looks for her, and she is no longer with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.

We both of that time are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's true,

but how much I have loved her.

My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another’s. She will be another’s. Like my kisses before.

Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that’s true, but maybe I do love her.

Love is so short and forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms.

My soul is not satisfied because it has lost her.
Though this is the last pain that she makes me suffer

And these the last verses I do write for her.

Love is so short and forgetting is so long.... i definitely know how that feels... Hurts but it makes you a stronger person.. My past entries are testaments to what i went through.

And now...I'm definitely happy...very happy in fact...if not for a few but MAJOR hitches.....my friends know what i'm talking about..:)

i definitely missed writing..i'll be more consistent now, i hope... hehehehehehe :)

divisoria

2005-10-16T01:15:00.000-07:00

today i went to divisoria with my mom and it was a great and one of a kind experience.. Haggling, pushing, and walking really really really fast all aren't my thing, but yes i survived a whole day doing those three things. but putting those things aside, who wouldn't be happy with going home with the cheapest stuff you can ever imagine? what's great is, the quality isn't at all sacrificed, and in fact is even better or equal to the "quality" commercial malls offer. i went bead-sequin-ribbon-trimming-tela-and-feather shopping <> but saved a lot of money even if it seemed like i bought a whole closet full of sequins and beads! i was just imagining if i went to carolina's! oh God, i wouldn't even be able to afford half the materials i need! it's just so expensive there, cosidering shops in divisoria offer exactly the SAME stuff, and i'm not pulling anybody's leg, but honestly divi's got even BETTER stuff.. I just love it there! shopping haven! you go home with your hands full, you're practically stumbling all over the place, but also with your pockets still somewhat full! now that's what i call SHOPPING!! :)

Best places in divi:
168 mall - cheap stuff, man! and i mean cheap! the stuff you find at tutuban mall you can find in this mall but WAY CHEAPER!
tres fab: sufficient and safe parking spaces, opened last year, so it's clean! plus-you don't break into a sweat while shopping! last but not the least, the food court! hehehe!
Tabora - best place to get your beads and such! this street is literally LINED with so many shops just for beads,lace,ribbons,sequins,etc!!!!! you will go CRAZY! i know i did!
tres fab: so many shops to choose from! but i think the best one i went to is called Morning Glory Co. Inc.
BUT... very crowded.. (but i swear, so worth it!)
Ilayan - tela galore!!!!
tres fab: many shops/stalls to choose from!!
BUT... very crowded..
Michelle's lace and ribbon shop- this shop is one of the few places i go to in tutuban mall. tres fab: it has a great location, just along the main road in tutuban, so you can just park your car in front and shop for all kinds of tela, beads, and any thing you need for accesories, clothes and the like!
BUT... since it's a really great shop, so much people flock to michelle's! the salesladies tend to be outnumbered..so you'd have to wait a long time, if you aren't lucky..
Muradito- one of the few shops i go to in tutuban mall.. great, great stuff with equally great and affordable prices!
tres fab: brand conscious but can't afford to buy the real thing?this store's an answer to your prayers!! the stuff look so believably branded i was almost fooled! hehe, nah, no naman.. but i swear, the stuff are outrageously great! RUSTAN'S lovers like me will definitely find a haven in this shop..for GUYS and GIRLS alike..you MUST go to this shop!
Max's restaurant - you don't know how glad i was to see this resto! i was starving to death and hadn't eaten lunch..it was already almost three in the afternoon and we were in divi since ten in the morning! after leaving, my stomach felt so wonderfully well fed..hehe!
Tres fab: spacious, clean, good service, clean bathroom...should i still say great food? everyone knows Max's means great food...try the cheesy onion soup..yummm..... :)

the product of a lariat necklace..

2005-09-10T22:58:00.000-07:00

ROUTE-ine
A beautiful ray of sunlight
Filtered through curtains of glass beads
Scattering a rainbow of colors
Across cottony sheets
And silky spreads.
Creases deepen as weight shifts.
And covers are slowly neglected.
Its tassels touching the littered floor.
The smell of sweet, warm vanilla
Pervades the room,
Punctured by a slight smell
Of cigarette smoke.
The gentle rustle of leaves
Indicates the calm and rushing wind
Blowing into the single window
Above the bed,
Blowing gauzy drapery into the air
And glass beads in all directions.
Foot touches floor, and
Silk is now laid out like carpet.
Warm air caresses bare legs
As they weave through magazine stacks
And beauty products
Littering the hardwood floor.
The sound of the steady dribble of water
Against porcelain
Starts the routine for the day-
The beautiful weather.
The deflected sunlight.
The sweet and homey aromas.
The calming surroundings.

Go unnoticed.

-Denzo; Septembereighttwothousandandfive, ninefortypm

Weekend..Oh weekend....

2005-09-10T10:00:00.000-07:00

The Sound of a Distant Calm

I wake up to placid silence.
I am calm.
Happy.
Surprisingly.
As the worries for the day
Come charging at all sides
Ricocheting ..
I hear a distant sound
In the peaceful silence.
I strain to hear,
It calms.
It invigorates.
It inspires.
It is the sound of a distant
Church bell. Its sound
Resonating.
Reverberating.
I am relieved.
The sound makes me want
To snuggle deeper into
The niche I have dug
Into my very own sack.
It stops…
And the echo of the sound remains…
But reminds me to go about,
Without the comforts
Of my precious niche.

-Denzo; Septembereighttwothousandandfive, nineseventeenpm

An attack of undetermined artistic inspiration

2005-08-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

Being in Ysa's house i think inspires me to do so many things!Hehehe :)
I am so happy to be here with my wonderfully crazy friends!Carla and i are sleeping here at Ysa's tonight because we have to do our eco project. of course we all had these plans to do other things,but then that's a totally different story and trust me, you wouldn't want to go there..hehehehehe!:) Gawrsh,i sound so scheming!! and besides,we really have to go get our work done before relaxing right?
anyhow,what im really inspired to do right now is DESIGN and produce my clothes already.Ysa really inspires me to do these things that i tend to forget i love doing because of school and the pile of stuff we have to do.but my wonderful friends always remind me of those things i love to do but tend to put aside.Why,you ask,am i all of a sudden so struck with this flowing artistic inspiration?that's because hiding in YSA's cozy and humble abode,is a line of vintage clothes that has yet to be discovered.Yes,Ysa designed these clothes and sells them in her shop here in her house.Of course,being a great fan of Ysa's style and designs,i couldnt help but get excited with the clothes i saw.Of course,Carla and i had to do a little shopping..hmmmmm...;) hehe!her clothes have so much personality and classiness that only an Ysa Villar can blend into impeccable sophistication.peronally i cant wait for her next line..im excited to SHOP!it's a great way to the ease nerves and release stress and have fun at the same time!!!!!

Precisely why i am so happy right now!I am with my B E A U T I F U L friends who inspire me,our project typed and ready to be sent saved in the computer,tita chuchi's lovely accessories in the other room and Ysa's designs hanging in a rack downstairs-treasures soon to be discovered by everyone else.

Oh what more can i ask for?
Hehehe!

Carlita and Kimi!!!!!!!!!!

2005-06-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

We three just can't get enough of this song can we?? I love you both!! :)

Cater 2 U

Baby I See You Working Hard
I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,
Let You Know That I Admire What You Do
The More If I Need To Reassure You, My Life Would Be Purposeless
Without You (Yeah)
If I Want It (Got It)
When I Ask You (You Provide It)
You Inspire Me To Be Better
You Challenge Me For The Better
Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter
Let Me Help You
Take Off Your Shoes
Untie You Shoestrings
Take Off Your Cufflinks (Yeah)
What You Want To Eat Boo? (Yeah)
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire
Sing You A Song
Turn My Game On
I'll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub? (Yeah)
You Want A Manicure?
Baby I'm Yours I Want To Cater To You Boy

Let Me Cater To You
Cause Baby This Is Your Day
Do Anything For My Man
Baby You Blow Me Away
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much
More
Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You
Inspire Me From The Heart,
Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart
You're All That I Want In A Man;
I Put My Life In Your Hands
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much
More
Anything You Want, I Want To Cater To You

Baby I'm Happy You're Home,
Let Me Hold You In My Arms
I Just Want To Take The Stress Away From You
Making Sure That I'm Doing My Part (Oh)
Boy Is There Something You Need Me To Do (Oh)
If You Want It (I Got It)
Say The Word (I Will Try It)
I Know Whatever I'm Not Fulfilling (Oh)
No Other Woman Is Willing (Oh)
I'm Going To Fulfill Your Mind, Body, And Spirit
I Promise You (Promise You)
I'll Keep Myself Up (Oh)
Remain The Same Chick (Yeah)
You Fell In Love With (Yeah)
I'll Keep It Tight, I'll Keep My Figure Right
I'll Keep My Hair Fixed, Keep Rocking The Hottest Outfits
When You Come Home Late Tap Me On My Shoulder, I'll Roll Over
Baby I Heard You, I'm Here To Serve You (I'm Lovin It, I'm Lovin
It)
If It's Love You Need, To Give It Is My Joy
All I Want To Do, Is Cater To You Boy

I Want To Give You My Breath, My Strength, My Will To Be Here
That's The Least I Can Do,
Let Me Cater To You
Through The Good (Good)
The Bad (Through The Bad)
The Ups And Downs (Ups And Downs)
I'll Still Be Here For You
Let Me Cater To You
Cause You're Beautiful (You're Beautiful)
I Love The Way You Are (You Are)
Fulfill Your Every Desire (Desire)
Your Wish Is My Command (Command)
I Want To Cater To My Man
Your Heart (Your Heart)
So Pure Your Love Shines Through(Shines Through)
The Darkness We'll Get Through (So Much)
So Much Of Me Is You (Is You)
I Want To Cater To My Man

Awww....

2005-06-09T16:06:00.001-07:00

A girl asked a guy if he thought shewas pretty, he said...no.
She asked him if he would want to be with herforever....and he said no.
She then asked him if she were to leave would he cry, and once again he replied with a no.
She had heard enough.
As she walked away, tears streaming down herface the boy grabbed her arm and said....
You're not pretty you're beautiful.
I dont want to be with you forever. I NEED to bewith you forever.
And I wouldnt cry if you walked away...I'd die...

Saw this posted by Cathy Chua in friendster...it's so sweet, i just couldn't help it, i had to post it here, hehehe :)
i haven't been updating my blog cause i dont know, ive been so lazy..hehe,what do they call it?writer's block?wahahahahaa!feeling writer talaga!i wish!hehehe :) anyhow,i missed posting so when i saw the sweet post by cathy, i figured my next entry should be about it!

Guys can be so stubborn sometimes that they try to hide what they are feeling..if they dont hide it, they at least try to disguise it by doing other things that mean the opposite of what they actually do feel!Or if they dont plan to hide it, say so many things-or none at all- before they actually do tell!Just like what the guy did in the super sweet post above! Okay, okay, of course guys can't always be blamed, can they?girls can be the same as well. The difference is that girls,if given TIME will tell you what they feel,no holds barred. The only obstacle standing in the way of the guy, is the TIME it takes for the girl to, but that's basically it. Guys on the other hand,even if given time, even if it's as obvious as the fact that the sun rises and sets,he still has a hard time expressing what he feels. (Wait,but there ARE still guys who know how to express themselves freely to girls okay...hehehe!;p)
The thing is,when a guy finally tells you what he really feels,it's the most sweetest and most wonderful feeling in the world.Because when he does,you know that it took a LOT in him to actually say it,and when he actually already does,you end up loving him even more than you already do.... So i guess even if it takes a guy so much guts and pride to say whatever he wants to say,the feeling afterwards is so rewarding that it overcomes even the frustrationa and exasperation you felt beforehand......:)

I MISS YOU...Buddy,Pach,Pils,Ysa,Kimi,Chix....

Pils!!!!Lola ka na tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!:) I LOVE YOU!

What girls want

2005-04-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

I wanna know - Joe
It’s amazing how you knock me off my feet..
Everytime you come around me, I get weak.
Nobody ever made me feel this way..
You kiss my lips and then you take my breath away.
I wanna know what turns you on,
So I can be all that and more..
I’d like to know what makes you cry
So I can be the one to always make you smile.
I wish that I could take a journey through your mind
And find emotions that you always try to hide.
I do believe that there’s a lot you wanna share.
I’ll take good care of you lady, have no fear.

Tell me what I gotta do to please you..
Baby everything you say I’ll do.
Cause I only wanna make you happy,
From the bottom of my heart it’s true..

It is every girl’s wish to be taken care of by someone who will love her for who she truly is. Joe’s song, “I wanna know,” is a song that reflects the very essence of how a guy should treat a girl. It is such a sweet song, any girl would be wooed by the words. In the song, Joe talks of how he fell in love with the girl, and how she has made him feel just being around. Because of his love for her, he promises to please her.. To treat her right, help her with her problems and make her laugh at all times. He tells her how much she has made him happy, and because of this, he would like to make her happy as well. He vows to take care of her and tells her not to be afraid because he will always be there for her. So, he asks her how he can please her, how he can make her happy. He says in the song that whatever will make her happy, he will do and will try to be. It is so wonderfully mushily romantic how Joe expresses his love for the girl who stole his heart! How I wish every guy were sensitive enough to even care how WE would want to be pleased! HOW I WISH!!!!

Every girl would love to be treated the same way. As simple as being asked before making a decision actually makes a girl feel important and special. A girl would love to be told how much she is loved and how much she is treasured. The thing is with us girls, we love to be assured that we are important and loved. I for one, feel it is important to be told that I am important to someone I love. Because it is through these simple acknowledgements that we know the little and big things we do are actually recognized and appreciated!

It is vital for a guy to take time out to know a girl because it is her personality that makes her a very beautiful person. Even more beautiful than she already is physically. It is very, very important that a guy take interest in what the girl actually has to say and should try to balance the conversation- it shouldn’t always be about him- it has to be about her too! Oftentimes, girls may be quiet in conversations, especially when it is in an awkward situation. But, it is in this scenario wherein a guy may be tested because here, you can actually see if he will make the effort to get to know you even more despite your semi- silence. When he does, then you will know you may be off to a good start!
Of course, after all the promises and effort to make a good impression, a guy should always be true to what he says.

He should never ever break the trust a girl puts in him.
He should never break her heart. Ever.

Take it from Joe, who definitely knows how to treat the girl he loves!

Is everybody having a great summer? Sure hope so. ;p
Ciao!

IrRiTtAbLe

2005-04-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

AS USUAL i"ve been darn bored. it's so frustrating because i want to do so much stuff-so much! but then do you know the feeling when you're being tied down????? it's so frustratingly frustrating. i was supposed to leave for baguio yesterday but then it was postponed. no surprise there! everything planned by my family always gets postponed. grrr..
I so want to be out of the country! "Anywhere but here," like i say with Pach! ;p hehehe!

Anyway, i'm just a teensy bit irritated and i don't have anything to take it out on, so i decided to take it all out here in this entry that's totally meaningless..hehe ;p

so sorry i haven't been consistent with my entries... there's lack of inspiration kasi???Hmm..haha!tsktsk!
but now that i think of it, you can draw inspiration from something that has none?? right?? :)

HOPE EVERYONE'S HAVING A GREAT SUMMER!

Questions

2005-04-08T01:10:00.000-07:00

If all else fail, would you be there to love me?
When all else fail, would you be brave to see right through me?- kitchie nadal, “same ground”

These lines I previously used in one of my entries.. (though, it was the whole song! Hehe!) I don’t know why, but they just struck me darn hard. It’s not like there are any particular experiences I haven’t yet shared. It’s just that, these lines prove the basic questions people ask when in a relationship, or probably about to enter one.
It’s sweet, really, to think up all the romantic answers to these simple yet deep questions. But then I was also thinking of the negative answers one could think up.
Imagine if in any case your relationship were threatened by something that affects both of you, and the guy you thought would be there for you, bails on you? Isn’t that the most painful thing?
Being in a relationship entails having to stand by each other through all the good and bad things that may come your way. Accepting a commitment implies looking out for one another, even if the other demands he or she doesn’t need it. That’s what a relationship is.
Thus we go back to the two questions.

If all else fail would you be there to love me?

In a relationship, no matter how much hardship falls upon it, one should never give up. It’s easy to say, but then when one allows her relationship to be destroyed by something, she will really regret it in the end because she let something come between what really mattered between she and her loved one anyway- love. Being in a relationship entails having to brave any storm, gigantic wave, landslide or volcanic eruption that may try to come between two people in a relationship. Or else, there is that cliché… Regrets come after?

When all else fail, would you be brave to see right through me?

In a relationship, no matter how many times other people or other situations try to influence one’s way of thinking, the opinions and outcome should never affect how one sees her loved one. Why? Because of one word- TRUST. If you trust the person you love, you will never let a few opinions nor situations come between you two- ever. When something horrible happens, one that will trigger a person to look differently at the one she loves, she should remember how she came to know him in the first place and how much they’ve grown together. I think that’s enough to jolt someone back to reality about how trust should be.

These simple questions have touched me deep, thus its influence on my entry. Have they influenced you in any way today? I certainly hope so.
Because I am sure you will someday be asking these very same questions, and when you are asked these, or when you ask someone these, would you be afraid? Would you be confident?
I certainly don’t know, If in any case I were faced with them.
I just wish, the answers would be positive for all of us.
Good night everyone! :p time for me to get some shut-eye!

Bo.red.

2005-04-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm watching this show in star world called GOTTI and man are those guys hella mean.Anyway,
So far, I have been bored to death. I know I have so much to do, but I just don’t know where to start. I think laziness is attacking me once again, so I guess it’s my fault if I’m bored. I’ve been trying to get myself to start designing already, so I can have the clothes made already. My mom and I have finally gotten serious and already talked about our business together. I hope it doesn’t get jinxed or anything like that, I just want to share it to remind myself of the stuff I have to do already. We’re thinking of designing clothes, shoes, bags, accessories and all that. We’ve always dreamt of pushing through with such a business but it was only a week ago that my mom got to seriously talk about it with my dad. He’s been pretty supportive, so I’m glad. J hopefully, it pushes through. So for now, we’re trying to figure out a catchy brand, hehe! J and I guess I have to get started on designing or I’m never going to get anywhere- at the rate I’m going.
Hope everyone is having a great summer!

Delineated & Deep-seated

2005-04-07T16:41:00.000-07:00

If a longing heart could talk.. If only it could talk..
Maybe it would let out all its secret desires. Desires that only it could carry.
Desires that no one else would ever be able to fathom, and never to be understood by anyone but the person carrying them.
If a longing heart could talk.. Wish it could,
Maybe it would let out all its pains and aches. Pains and aches that have created creases and scars that will never be erased, but have become testaments to how much stronger the heart has become.
If a longing heart could make itself felt by others.. Even maybe once..
Maybe it wouldn’t feel so alone and afraid because then others will know what it is truly feeling. Maybe then the heart would have its secret desires satisfied, and its pains and aches fully healed by others who care for it and would be careful with handling it the next time.

I am sure everyone has possessed at one time or another, a longing heart. Whose hasn’t deeply wished for something? And whose hasn’t yet grieved painful experiences? None, I am pretty sure. And the experiences that have affected our hearts the most are what make our hearts so special. Whether good or bad, experiences always deeply imprint themselves on people’s hearts. The good experiences create soft spots and the bad experiences create wounds. Depending upon its degree, it may be a scratch, a stab or gash. But the wonderful thing about the heart is that it has the power to heal itself, no matter what. ;p

cArLiTa

2005-04-05T19:39:00.000-07:00

Carla Louise Umali Garganera
has been my friend since that time we met in the fourth grade. (Through, uhh.. sharing with each other our organizers…. Come on, don’t tell me you didn’t have one!!! Tsktsk!;p) and she’s been my best friend since the seventh grade and I’m telling you, it has been so wonderful growing up with her. It’s such a wonder that even if a lot of obstacles came our way (or maybe distractions & complications) our friendship never faltered. It was always strong and happy. It was always being there for each other and helping out one another instead of the classic “I’m better, it should be me, why you?” scenarios. It’s really great because we are in many ways possible alike. But, we are also in many ways unalike. Which is great because that way, at least I feel, we complement each other. Carla is such a supportive friend. No matter what she’ll encourage you to do what you love the most, like what she does to me. she’s very sweet and caring, and would always make you feel that she cares for you. She is so many things that it’d take me forever to write.

But more importantly besides being a great friend, she is a great person.
A wonderful, wonderful daughter, sister, everything! She is one of the few people I know with a golden heart. A GOLDEN HEART! People like her are very rare nowadays. Which is why I treasure her so much. So much! I don’t think I can (and she knows this) live without her. I actually ask her oftentimes, “Carlita, what would I do without you?” and she’d always answer me, “That’s why we should always do things together.” She doesn’t know how much that means to me and how that simple answer touches me. It makes me feel important and assured that someone is actually looking out for me.

I am looking forward to seeing us old and gray with our own families and.. Well, basically experiencing everything that life has to offer with her! I am excited for the many other years we will be spending together along with many of our very dearest friends.

A Very Happy, Happy Birthday to Carlita, my buddy & “bestest” best friend :)
Love you very much, dahling! ;)

April Fourth

2005-04-05T19:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, one of the most beautiful people I know celebrated her birthday.
Just yesterday, my best friend Carla turned seventeen. Talk about old! Hahahahaha J just kidding! Like I’m not going to turn seventeen!
But anyway, a good friend of Carla’s (thank you very much, BR :p) was the one who suggested a surprise party for her on her birthday itself, and in her house too. Of course I was ecstatic and so were our other friends. Throughout the whole planning process, it was fun keeping it from Carla because we’d innocently talk about her birthday with her- knowing that we’d be there to celebrate it with her. Of course, I really made sure I didn’t slip or send her texts that would give away anything. Of course, there were uh, some uh.. giveaways to the surprise. Thankfully, she didn’t really mind them.
The funny thing was, after many changes, misunderstandings, confusions, etc.; the surprise party became a surprise get together of a supposed total of ten people. I must reiterate the word SUPPOSED, because to the end it was only me, pach, pilar, mimi & br who surprised the birthday celebrant in her house. It was fun though, and we were so thrilled that we had the opportunity to shock Carla. After all, (making myself an example)- living in Bulacan, and suddenly being there in Las Pinas- is pretty shocking. ;)
We went to ATC for the celebration. Carla’s wonderful parents treated us for dinner in Friday’s. We felt so famished- quite honestly, I did not know why! But we were all ready to gobble up anything served to us. Yes, it was hasta la vista to the potato skins, buffalo wings, mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, baby back ribs, salad & pasta we all had laid out before us. I’m sorry, I just had to share the food. It was so DARN GOOD…. ;)
We hung out at Starbucks after and just had fun. It was a great night for all of us, especially and importantly, for the celebrant.
Needless to say, it was wonderful spending Carla’s birthday with her. We were all just so happy! :)

summertime..when we fell in love it was the summertime...

2005-03-25T20:44:00.001-08:00

summer is hot..

and it's the best....

time to party..

time to have fun

and time to let lose....

hahahahahaha :)

goodbye school..see you in a month or two..

aaaahhhhh..this is the life..just lazing around the house and thinking about nothing except the parties and the gimmicks..not a trace of school in mind... :)

HAVE A GREAT SUMMER EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-19T22:23:00.000-08:00

It is so hard to study when at the back of your mind, your friends are already in summer mode... Hahahahaha :) it's a struggle,really! but anyway, i just think of it this way: just monday and tuesday this week,and it's freedom city!!
Anyway,i was reading harper lee's love in other words..(yep,i was studying..) and there was a part there that i liked..about the cork and how when it is pressed down in a stream,will always resurface or surge back up-and love according to her,is like that.when it is supressed and kept in you,it will always,always find its way up. Thus,which brings me to what i would like to talk about...supressing love because of the fear of getting hurt AND falling in love!
In the essay of harper lee,she uses the analogy of the cork and the stream to tell people how love cannot be supressed no matter how long you put up your guard.because love,when it is felt has to be manifested and never kept! it also tells us how in love,we should take risks and that we should learn how to lower those guards around us, because falling in love is one thing wherein you have to take risks, and when you are willing to fall on your butt.in other words, falling in love entails having to suffer the consequences it may bring.(both good and bad)
It's such a wonder how people today take such great risks, falling in love.quite honestly, i am not surprised at all-because love is like that.it just has its way with people, and that just shows how wonderful it actually is.
I always tell my friends how great it would be to fall in love. but we'd always just end up trying to figure out when you will actually KNOW that you are indeed in love.but now that i think about it..there really is no explanation of when you will indeed feel love.when it comes,you will know..but describing the feeling would be underestimating it.describing the feeling of being in love is actually not giving justice to love..because describing it wouldn't ever capture even one-fourth of what it is TRULY like..

Hope everyone is having a GREAT weekend!:)
summer is near, people!!!and i am dying to greet it!!!

Moving On..

2005-03-18T20:06:00.000-08:00

Uncertain
Love songs, poems and movies too.
Those are the things that remind me of you.
Places I go and people I meet..
To you, nothing and no one is as sweet.
Your simple being makes me weak,
You carry with you the love I seek.
Well that was then, and this is now..
You have seemingly forgotten me somehow.
Now things have changed
And there is no one to be blamed.
Your person I miss,
Whenever I’d reminisce.
To you, every guy I’d compare.
I guess you didn’t know I really cared.
Now here I am as confused as ever.
Thinking about when I will see you.. Or never?
Why is it so hard to let go of you?
What is it in my heart that makes me true?
What makes it difficult to forget about you?
Would you please give me a clue?

I don’t know if I’ve moved on,
But I know I will be strong..
I know I’ll move on,
And it won’t be for long.

This poem I wrote a long time ago.. Hahaha.. the tormented days ;) but I’ve so moved on from that period! I just decided to resurrect it cause I want to talk about moving on today.
I know for a fact that saying “I will move on” is easier said than done. Sometimes, when you make yourself believe too much that you have indeed done so, your true feelings end up being shoved down deep in you, that for a while you believe that you have truly done what you have so longed to do. But, as everyone knows, feelings will resurface no matter what- all the more when they are hidden. It is also easier said than done, for me to say that one shouldn’t hide what she feels. I think that desperation is the cause of one to hide his/her feelings- perhaps, the desperation to prove others wrong..to prove that you are strong..and more importantly to prove the one you love wrong. After all, desperation is a cruel enemy and when you are attacked by it, you end up doing things you don’t expect you’d be doing. But I feel that no matter how hard it is, one has to face her feelings and eliminate the negativity of the whole situation. From there, the road to moving on will be laid out. Slowly, roughly and painfully, the road will unfold- but what matters is that you are willing to start walking through it. And when you have gone through it, regardless of the time and difficulty, you will emerge a more beautiful person.
The result is a wonderful feeling and a newfound confidence in yourself.. You emerge a lighter person- free from all the excess baggage you were used to carrying.
I know how hard it is to move on. But everyone CAN do it..
After all, there is a beautiful, beautiful life waiting and an extra promising future laid out for all of us..
Have a great evening everyone!

LADIES, WE SHOULD LEARN FROM BEYONCE…. :)

Me myself and iThat's all i got in the endThat's what i found out And it ain't no need to cryI took a vow that from now onI'm gonna be my own best friend
Me myself and iI know that i will never disappoint myselfAll the ladies if you feel meHelp me sing it nowYa, you hurt meBut i learned a lot along the wayAfter all the rainYou'll see the sun come out againI know that i will never disappoint myself

VEGETARIANISM

2005-03-18T20:00:00.000-08:00

It’s an impossibility- for me, that is! Ask my friends! But for lunch today, my mom introduced me to this vegetarian food thing in the food court of quad, and oh boy did I love the food! it was like I was eating meat when I was actually eating tofu! It was so damn good, I’m convinced that I should be a vegetarian….

….. NOT! Hahaha.. I loved the food, but then till my mom figures out how to cook tofu in such a way that it seems like meat…
I’ll be the meat-loving person I am.

2005-03-12T14:29:00.000-08:00

Weird, because my brother and I were talking about vandalism in his school and he told me about a particular one that caught his eye. Frankly, when he told me, it caught me off-guard too. It went:

“I hate you for making me fall in love with you.”

Ouch. It really hit me because the emotion condensed into just this one line is so strong that it cannot go unnoticed. Definitely not by me, it didn’t. What crossed into my mind quickly is the situation of falling in love with someone who doesn’t love you that same way you do. How painful is it to fall in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about you as well? And thus, hurting you in the process? Thing is, he wouldn’t even know because he doesn’t even know you love him that way. The line really touched me maybe because I’ve somehow felt what the person who wrote this line felt. Straight to the bone it hit.
Have you ever felt his way before?
Have a great afternoon!
Ciao!:)

My Day & Fate

2005-03-11T22:33:00.000-08:00

The day is once again going to end and i honestly don't want it too..hehe..i don't want to have to study for the TE's is basically why,but i guess i just want it all over and done with..Anyway,today was a good day,i guess..Was expecting it to be extra great(Carls,Kimi,Pach,Ys) you guys i guess know why..but it didnt turn out that great.I guess a lesson that i can learn is never to expect too much.Wouldn't you agree?:) but basically naman it was okay.Saw the people i wanted to see,but the thing is i didnt really get to talk to them or anything like that,which i was of course, hoping for.Haha!so..silly me..never expect too much,huh? Anyway,summer is so near,i can practically smell it..Haha!But then before i can actually rejoice,we'd all have to go through the whole ordeal of comprehensive exams..Darn it..Hehe..But anyway,that's fine.At least summer is on the other side of that ordeal,right?
I just want to talk about fate tonight.DO you guys believe in it? some people don't because they only apply it to their success in love,but then even the littlest things can be considered fate.Like your friendship with other people or why you are the way you are-cause it's meant to be,right?And that's supposedly what fate is. I always talk about it with my friends,and i keep telling them that i love the idea of at one point in your life(like,today),you pass that someone you will eventually end up with(in the mall,on the road,vacation,wherever!).Thing is,you wouldn't know that it'd be him until the day you ACTUALLY DO meet him.and maybe when you do meet him you wouldnt even know if you passed by him at one point beforehand.I just consider it romantic,thinking that maybe one way or another,someone is meant for you and you for him-because your fate dictates it to be that way.
Do you believe in FATE?:)
Hope everyone had a splendid day and an exciting evening!
Good night! ;)

Someone to watch over me...

2005-03-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

I told Carla i'd talk about finding that"someone" tonight..hehe :)

A friend told me that in finding that "someone," one just has to wait. (Thanks,Migs!) Hmmm..:)it is in fact true, because a lot of friends can attest to this fact.but it isn't easy at all.especially during those times when you feel empty,and in those times,you will realize that even the company of your friends doesn't fill up THAT void.Your friends may make you feel like the luckiest person in the world because of their mere presence in your life,but the space left for that "somebody" will always remain empty, because that space is meant to be filled by someone else you are going to meet along the way.an enemy in this neverending chore of waiting is impatience.anyone who will disagree with me,is not being true to herself!hahaha :)but it is true.We may meet many new people in this time of our life,but it is different meeting the special person each and everyone of us is supposed to meet-oh,and the time it takes to actually find him.:) it is not at all sad or lonely to be single-it's the best,in fact!haha!but the longing for that someone who will make you feel like the happiest most beautifulperson on earth,is a longing that can never be supressed.We're humans after all,and it is but natural to long for something as wonderful as love.
What do you guys think? :)
Good night!

"I want the real thing, or nothing at all..I need someone that i can be sure will catch me if i should fall.Someone who'll be there when i call and i'll know that it's the real thing..
I want the real thing, to hold me each night, someone to love me over and over..Making the future bright..someone who'll be there when i fall..
Just give me the real thing.."

I'm writing this in honor of Pilar too :) Love u pils! mwah! That someone will come for us in time..:)

ThE LuNcH CrEw

2005-03-07T21:53:00.000-08:00

The Lunch Crew is a wonderful mix of absolutely beautiful ladies, both inside and out. We- (Pach, Carla, Kim, Michiko, Ysa and me) are all a mix of different tastes and personalities and when combined, become an ultra fab group. I am so proud of my friends; because they are all such intelligent and beautiful people well-worth knowing, that I feel it is important I write about them today..

There’s PACH, never without a smile on her face. She has such a sparkling and charming personality, that she becomes magnetic wherever she goes. She always seems to draw people to her with her bright aura. Her determination and her strength is so admirable because even when things seem to be so down, she’s always there fighting. Her wisecracks and wisdom-book-like-sayings are the best! Oh, anddidimentionshetalksfast?? Hehehehe! Pach is such a fun person to be with and you will NEVER EVER be bored! She seems to have so much to say!

Of Course, CARLA..She has always been our mommy, because she is the one who always reminds us of what we’re supposed to do and not supposed to be doing. She’s such a sweet person- who will do anything for her family. She is a great, great friend- absolutely, without a doubt. She has such a strong faith in God that never seems to waver. She is an amazingly ultra-talented lady too- and very witty. Brutally honest, but in the right situations only. Extremely sexy too!!!! Her personality just exudes sexiness everywhere!

There is KIMI..She has such a bright smile! It is quite a magnetic one actually, because her wonderful personality is at once seen in those pearly whites! Amazing, amazing talent.. She dances so well, it’s actually captivating. Her voice is so soulful; you’d just be so enticed to sing along with her. She has a great sense of humor and a great laugh to go with it too! Kimi is a great friend- a great listener. She’s very logical when it comes to giving advice. Like Carla, she’s also brutally honest! She has this supermodel look she doesn’t even know she does. She gets into these peaceful zen-like elements. (think: perfect for magazine cover shots)

There's MICHIKO..The mind of this girl is absolutely out of this world- she is so smart! Very analytical and logical when it comes to anything and everything. She is extremely athletic, it’s amazing! She is very responsible, never neglecting her duties. She is also very sweet- a day isn’t complete without her bright, bright smile and super tight hug! She cracks the corniest analytical jokes, it ends up being funny anyway. She is a great listener also, who gives honest advice. A great friend who will never leave her friends in times of trouble.

There's YSA.. She has such a magnetic personality that exudes this sexiness around her. She is extremely talented- an actress, singer, designer, stylist, writer.. And so much more!!! She is a great, great friend- excellent listener, gives good advice and always seems to brighten up gloomy and stressful days. She is an absolutely fun person to be with and has such a contagious craziness about her. She has such a big, big heart full of goodness. Very understanding and sacrificing. Definitely never a gloomy day with this beautiful lady!

Diary

2005-03-05T17:21:00.000-08:00

Lay your head on my pillowHere you can be yourselfNo one has to know what you are feelingNo one but me and youI won't tell your secretsYour secrets are safe with meI will keep your secretsJust think of me as the pages in your diaryI feel such a connectionEven when you're far awayOooo baby if there's anything that you fearCome forth and call 4894608 and I'll be hereI won't tell your secrets [shhh]Your secrets are safe with meI will keep your secrets [shhh]Just think of me as the pages in your diaryYou know what?And only we know what talked about baby boyDon't know how you can be driven me so crazy baby boyBaby when your in town why don't you come around boyI'll be the loyalty you need you can trust me boyOhhh ,I won't tell your secrets [I want, I want,I want]Your secrets are safe with me [Safe with me]I will keep [I will keep] your secrets [yoouurr]Just think of me as the pages in your diary...

I love this song as well.. :) eveytime i hear it i remember KIMI!!!!!!!!!!!!! She's our very own Alicia Keys!!!! :) Hehehehehehe! I love you kimi! ;)

Baby, all I want is you..

2005-03-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

" Same Ground "

My love,Its been a long time since i criedand left you out of the blue.

Its hard leaving you that way whenI never wanted to.

Self-denial is a game Its strange i never would'vewanted if until there was you.

Because i have learned that love is beyondwhat human can imagine,

the more it clears the more i have to let you go.

But now i don't understand why im feeling so bad now when i know it was my idea.

i could've just denied the truth and lied.

but why am i the only one standing strandedon the same ground?

My love because i have learned that love is aword gets thrown a little bit too much.

the best excuse to fill the infinite abyss i never have to

If all else fail would you be there to love me?

When all else fail, would you be brave to see right through me?

I absolutely love this song of kitchie! The last two last lines are what kill me, obviously.Hehe.. :) Today i took the mock upcat test in school..Wow, my score was amazing....Amazingly sad. Hehe..I didn't get to take the acet because i had to leave by 2 and it was useless to start something i won't get to finish.After,went to pick up my brother in his school and had to go home..Was hoping i could drop by the parlor to be with Ysa,but i had to go home right away.(Sorry,Ys!! :-c hope you have fun tonight!!!!) Was able to bond with Bern a while ago and i really do miss her!!!!!!Loved talking about whatever with her a while ago! (Miss you Bern!!! Mwah!have fun tonight as well!) anyway,i'll be preparing in a while because of a family dinner we'll be having.It's gonna be great,cause i haven't really seen my cousins and it's gonna be fun catching up! :) Have a great evening everyone! Mwah!

And I can't get you out of my dreams...

2005-03-04T20:55:00.000-08:00

When will you come and pick me up?

To let me face the beautiful horizon in store for me?

Why haven't you come?

And taken me out of the vague picture

I've painted out for myself?

It's so hard to wait,

When i know you're around the corner

Hidden by the tortuous shadows

That wish to seize me?

Is it selfish for me to be so impatient?

When i know that maybe you're out there,

As lost as me?

It's hard to be still, when all that surround me are not.

Sometimes i get carried away then,

And maybe farther from you.

And then i fade a little,

When all are ethereal around me

So then you don't see that i am just right there.

But i feel you brush by me,

And in an instant gone again.

Desperation sets in,

And i become ethereal again.

But by then, you are far away from me.

When i feel your presence near,

Solid walls close in around me.

And i am trapped once again,

Back to the awkward space

I'm used to being in.

And then i feel the walls crumble bit by bit.

Hoping that you have finally rescued me....

Today was again a great day..As usual,we just kept laughing..I had my monologo today and i just kept forgetting my lines!! I memorized them so well, and in just an instant (because i was nervous) i just forgot some!How annoying! But it was great because i felt i wasn't acting much,and being myself instead. :)

I noticed today, love can be so aesthetic..

Perhaps its true meaning may be lost now,

But who will bring it back,

When there's no one to show me how?

Summertime..When we fell in love it was the summertime..

2005-03-03T17:55:00.000-08:00

The only thing that's missing in my life..Is you..
The only man I need in my life..Is you..Is you..

I love that song!! :) anyway,today was a fun day as usual! What can i say, the lunch crew never fails to make a day as happy as it can be!!! we had t.h.e. practicum today and our cake turned out okay. haha! theme was corny though, graduation????!!!!! uh...hello!?? hehe :) histo test tomorrow....uughh..i honestly want to burn the book already.it's been everyone's bible lately-where's the justice in that??!!
Anyway,forget about school,dammit.Only NINETEEN days of school to go..or, 12, whatever. But i really feel summer already!!!! aaaaahhhhh!!!! I cannot wait!!!! ;) Bye for now!

Nothing much to say..

2005-03-02T23:25:00.000-08:00

With every passing moment,
thoughts of you run through my head..
Everytime that i'm near you,
i realize that you're heaven sent..

I think you're truly something special..
Just what my dreams are really made of..
Let's stay together you and me, boy.
There's no one like you around..
I really like what you've done to me..
I can't really explain it..
I'm so into you..

I dunno why i had to post the lyrics of this song! Hmmm..In honor of Carlita siguro!!!! ;) Love u bud!! mwah!